The Beginning of a Beginning

I turned 20 four days ago.

And just about a week ago I finished reading James Joyce’s collection Dubliners. That was huge. Not in length, but in scope. It was huge for me. I read it because Ernest Hemingway told me to. You see, I come from a family of writers, and though I never cared much for the craft, I had some talent. I thought I was an actor, but I don’t know anymore. During my time on this earth a various assortment of potential occupations have piqued my interest and action, though I have yet to come upon something that truly fascinates me and holds my folly.

At age 10, I got my first gig as an actor playing the role of “Jock” in High School Musical at the local community theater. Some people claim they remember exactly when they got the “acting bug”, but I cannot recall such a moment. I was and remain an expert recluse. I never raise my hand in class even if I know the correct answer. I seek to blend into the background wherever I am. I don’t really talk to people. One, because I am afraid people won’t like me. Two, because I really don’t like most people. I never take the opportunity to show people who I am because it scares me. I believe the reason I was drawn to acting is because it provided me with a medium that allowed me to express, even if it was as a character. I kept this hobby all the way through high school and, in my sincere opinion, I was decent. I held an officer position in the Thespian club, I was booking lead roles left and right, I was even making a name for myself in the local film community. But I never really cared. I never loved it. It was never something that I yearned to do for any other reason than that it was what I did. 

And what I did led me to the decision to forgo a higher education and instead move straight to Los Angeles immediately following my nineteenth birthday in hopes of a big break in Hollywood. Under the impression that I would get the jump on all the actors that decided to enroll in four-year BFA programs, I packed up my 2002 Saturn fit for a very petite king and made the arduous journey from Phoenix, AZ to L.A. How has it worked out for me? Quite well, in fact. I’ve booked two jobs working as an extra. That’s it. I’ll explain why that’s good.

All of my life I have never been able to stick to any one thing. I become gravely invested in a single activity and after about two weeks, at the moment when you have to start honing in on the details to continue progressing, I give up. This has never occurred to me in regards to acting, and what I surmise from that is that I have never found it difficult. So, as a logical man, I must assume that I have been doing it wrong. Something I have learned through my first twenty years on this planet but have yet to experience myself is that anything worth doing will at some point pose a challenge; If I truly care about what I am doing, I will take on that challenge. I need to find out if writing is my true calling. That is why I started this blog. This is my challenge.

In December of 2014, I was applying to be a BFA Acting major at USC.

In February of 2016, I was going to apply to the Los Angeles College of Music to major in Music Production

In October of 2016, I watched Mad Men from start to finish in a week and a half and decided that I wanted be an actor again.

In July of 2017, I read an article about Ernest Hemingway and his young apprentice Arnold Samuelson. Hemingway gave Samuelson a piece of paper with sixteen works and their respective authors. Along with this, Hemingway allegedly said to the boy, “Here’s a list of books any writer should have read as a part of his education… If you haven’t read these, you just aren’t educated. They represent different types of writing. Some may bore you, others might inspire you and others are so beautifully written they’ll make you feel it’s hopeless for you to try to write.” So, I’m beginning my education. The first book I was able to find at the library was Dubliners and I completed it three days ago. My thoughts on the book soon to come.

So, as of right now, July 26th, 2017, I am deciding to enroll in the local community college as an English major. My dream, as it stands now, is to write a screenplay, sell it, and star in it. As implausible as that sounds, it’s all I got. And I’ll be damned if I don’t try.

Until that time comes, you can find me here. And what you’ll find here is this:

  • The anecdotes of a twenty year old kid living on his own in Los Angeles (I feel as if that should be enticing enough on its own).
  • What I’m reading.
  • My thoughts on what I’m reading.
  • What I’m listening to.
  • My thoughts on what I’m listening to.
  • My general reflections on the world, the world around me, and myself.

For those of you who are reading, I implore you, hold me to this. Because I don’t know if I can.